Not dead yet...

So... here we are then at the end of the most bizarre five months ever, alive and pootling along... although the menace of the Black Death still lurks in the shadows around every corner. So what was achieved apart from going stark staring mad, looking like the wild man of Borneo (can I say that now?) and wearing daft face masks on buses?

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER ONE:

I grouted over the most alarming cracks in the bedroom ceilings and then painted them over. That was one of the more satisfying results of the lockdown solely because I don't count myself as one of the world's greatest DIYers. So, now the ceilings 'look' crack-free which is the important thing.

(As you can see above, my preparation technique left a lot to be desired... but I can report that there were no appalling disasters involving paint, carpets and strings of naughty words. Honestly)

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER TWO:

Then there was the garage. There's always the garage. Like Tutankhamun's tomb - only much more packed and not with gold either. That was a week's drudgery, if you count clearing the bracken and fly-tipping beyond the garage doors. My back still hurts when I think about it.

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER MINUS ONE:

Oh, yes, there was work too. In early May, I dusted off the SuperCourses website and had a look at the unfolding disaster there. As everyone in the English Language industry worldwide knows, this is a time when scraping the bottom of the barrel would be counted as a good week. By May we were all digging around beneath the barrel... and still not finding anything. Trying to flog online courses sort of sums up the sad state that English language schools are in. The industry has been through bad times before, but nothing like this. And although now we are all trying to be optimistic, the future is about as bleak as it can get. Still, onwards and upwards... I hope.

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER THREE:

I retreated into my writing. Any escape was better than work at the moment. So, I had a bash at finishing my dad's science fiction book, which he was halfway through when he died. Now, writing a book is difficult enough, but trying to finish someone else's... and a sci-fi one to boot, is really pushing the boundaries of creativity. But after a concerted attack (I'm now at page 300) with multiple time paradoxes and a bloke called Mark Wellington messing with the timeline really cavalierly, I can reveal that King John's lost treasure in The Wash has been found.

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER FOUR:

Then there was Scrabble. Yes, Scrabble. Not the online stuff but my brother's iPad (with me connected to it), perched above a board in their house in Cheltenham. True, they could all see my letters and true, they had a thick book which claimed that TI, ZO and AG were all valid words. But I persevered and generally only lost by a few points most days... usually to my nephew, Tom, who plays Scrabble the way he plays cricket - hard, fast and with lots of bouncers!

ACHIEVEMENT NUMBER FIVE:

I had a ferret around in the attic last week. Well, you do, when it's a slack and rainy afternoon, don't you. I came across a load of old photos from my time in China, like this one below. Flooded out in Nanjing. Oh yes, those were the days... trekking barefoot with our bags over our heads through a mixture of rainwater, river overflow and burst sewers. I well remember disinfecting my feet afterwards and then throwing my socks away. Sad that I include remembering this as an achievement, but by the beginning of July it really was...

Evenings were best I suppose, because it was food and drink time. Nothing quite like stuffing down a stir-fry while supping hard on a lukewarm Doombar. Ahhhh. Bliss. And then another one...

So... yes, I suppose if you add up all the plus and minus points it was OK. And, as a bonus, I didn't catch the swine either, although there was a sweaty moment in late June when my cough was dry, my temperature was through the roof and I was distinctly feverish. But then I realised it was just unbridled joy at watching Northampton Town win 4-0 at Wembley!

So... on balance, if you forget about no money coming in, work evaporating completely and the Nanjing floods, I can say without too much hesitation... Love the lockdown! Shame it had to end - I got so much done!