Quarantine Day...errrrrrrr...

Day One: traumatised. Do nothing, watch telly. Sweeney, Minder, Professionals, eat chocolate digestives and have a Doombar (in the morning)

Day Two: two women have a push-fight over a pack of Bounty kitchen rolls in Morrison's in Petts Wood. I watch, mesmerised

Day Three: nearly get run over by an ambulance - how ironic that would have been. Forget to wash my hands after coming home. Panic and go to bed early, coughing slightly

Day Five - cough gone. Get 4 toilet rolls from the local shop for £5.99 And a bunch of bananas (3)... but no Weetabix. Never any Weetabix. Gold dust is Weetabix

Day Seven: watch Kirk being roughed up by a Choco-Rice-Krispy monster. Suddenly want/need Weetabix. There are tears.

Day Eight-ish: duct tape markers on shop floors make sure we are 2 metres apart. Customer tells me to 'sod off'... and get behind my line. Wash my hands on return. Drop soap down toilet by accident. Blind panic. But manage to fish it out with a ladle and lots of inventiveness.

Day errr Nine: try to get milk. None in local shop. Then Mr Patel ushers me into a back room. He's got a stack of 2 litre plastic containers there just for locals. Says he can't put them out or customers get abusive if they can't buy 25 containers at a time. Wash container and hands on return.

Day errr... Nine... again: In the garden trying to plant carrots and peas. Don't know why. Forgotten the reason. Seems like the thing to do.

Day Ten (I think): Neighbours build a large doll's house in the garden for their little one. They don't know why either. They paint it grey. The little girl cries. She wants it rainbow with unicorn motifs. She's sent to bed early

Day err: Look at work things. Just look. Schools are trying to hawk their online courses. It's getting desperate. Very desperate. They're all doing it and all have highly experienced and qualified online staff offering bespoke, pro-active, task-based online..... blah blah blah. I watch The Sweeney. Regan and Carter beat up a witness. I feel better about life.

Day errrrr: Go for a walk (exercise). Norman Park (it's a place, not a bloke) crammed with people 'exercising'. Never seen it so full. Like the circus has come to town. Police move me on for stopping to admire some blossom. "Let's be having you, sir." Wash hands on return. Twice.

Day errrrrrr: Open the door to find a plastic bag full of food. I'm a little overcome. Why would anyone.... It's my neighbour from two down - Tamar (the Turkish RAC man). Says he's doing his bit for the elderly in the street. I'm happy and angry at the same time. Still no Weetabix.

Day One Hundred: Reading a book by Asimov about a planet where all the inhabitants live alone and in isolation from everyone else...... turn telly on and its a movie called Contagion. Go to bed early with a cough.

Day One Thousand: Mow the lawn for the 30th time in a week. Not much grass left. Looks like Wimbledon, week two.

Day One Million: Stare at wall

Day two Million: Stare

Day Three Million: Find Weetabix at local shop!!!!!!!!!

Day errrrrrrrrrrrrrr: Mmmmmmmmmmm........ eat two bowls of Weetabix, I think.