Panic Buying Leads to Low Stock Levels!
- Adrian Liley
- Mar 10, 2020
- 2 min read
Due to excessive panic-buying of ‘The Anti-Marketeer’s Handbook’, stock levels are reaching critically low numbers.
I should add that we are acting very quickly to redress this problem.
“Shelves are looking pretty empty, I’m afraid,” a manager of a London bookstore told us. “We’ve had to order in emergency supplies from our Aberdeen warehouse! That could take weeks to get down here.”
Reports of something unusual started coming in on Monday morning as shops opened.
Toilet rolls, hand sanitizers, marmalade and 'The Anti-Marketeer’s Handbook' were targeted by feverish shoppers, a spokesperson for a well-known supermarket claimed.
“They came with pick-ups and bags-for-life and descended on our bookshelves like locusts,” she added. “There was even a fight over one of the last copies. This book has caused a sensation. I just hope he doesn’t write a follow-up, or we’ll have to employ more security guards.”
A panic-buyer's shopping basket... and queues outside a famous outlet on Monday morning
Another shopper, with ten copies in his bag, told us: “This book has literally blown my head off!” Asked why he had bought ten copies he replied: “Not sure, but the woman in front had got 10, so I thought, why not? Plus, they’ve run out of toilet paper, so the spare copies could be used in an emergency there.”
(the publisher and writer would like to stress that using copies of ‘The Anti-Marketeer’s Handbook’ in the toilet is not advised, particularly Chapter 4 which concentrates on fragmentation and shock marketing)
Police and the forces of law and order are now insisting that an e-book is put into circulation as quickly as possible to help alleviate the queues which are already forming outside some outlets.
We are working hard on that and will keep you all informed.
Our message to you all is to sit tight, be patient.
Panic at A-M headquarters as supplies start running out!
IMPORTANT ADVICE TO READERS
For health reasons, please DON’T SHARE this book with anyone. Buy your own copy.
And… always wash your hands after reading a maximum of 10 pages. Marketing and sales can be a grubby and virus-spreading pursuit.
Touching noses and mouths is also not advised, while the book is open, although there is no evidence that sexual activities are affected, which should come as some relief to many of our readers.
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