Exhausted

I dropped a friend off at East Croydon station a few weeks ago. It was not a good trip at all. First, the traffic was dreadful. I could have flown to Paris in the time it took me to drive there from Bromley. Now normally, when dropping someone off at a station, you glide up to the entrance and wish your mate, 'bon voyage'. Not so at East Croydon. You get a £60 'stopping' fine if you drive anywhere near the station entrance, even if you don't leave the car and have the engine still turning over in the vast empty space beside the station.

So I used a narrow street nearby, stopped on double yellows and dropped him off - only causing a few seconds delay to the bus right behind me. So... all fine and I began my trek home.

Then my exhaust pipe fell off.

Well, not me personally, but my wonderful, vintage, kingfisher-blue Rover 200 in the picture above (22 years old, but only 60,000 miles on the clock, so still a baby).

I digress.

My exhaust fell off. OK - not actually fell off onto the road - more like, split open, so that it sounded like someone rattling a draw full of knives and forks, every time I hit the accelerator. Not nice.

It was then that my problems really started.

I limped to my local garage and informed them of the calamity beneath my car.

"Sorry, mate. Snowed under. Come back in two weeks. Couldn't possibly fit you in now. More than my jobs worth."

Ah, I thought. I'll try another garage, just a bit further down the road.

"What! You want it done now? You must be joking, mate. Steve's off sick and he does pipes. I shouldn't say this, but try Kwikfit on the other side of Bromley."

I did.

I limped across town, sounding like a wounded tractor with asthma.

"We could do it now.. but it'll cost you £410 + VAT and labour. You see, the bit you need is very expensive. Contains platinum, which is a precious metal."

I left and tried the garage in the picture above- my last hope.

"Put it on the ramp and we'll have a look."

I did.

"No problem, sir I can do that now. You only need the front and back sections. It'll cost you £220 + VAT. Labour included. That OK?"

I asked about him about the platinum and the mechanic gave me a 'funny' look. I sighed deeply.

Three hours later and 'Bluebird' was purring like a contented tabby.

I got home and showed the new pipe to my neighbour - an RAC man with a big, orange, breakdown-assistance van.

"I could have done that for you - for a pint of Guinness."