It's a Cruel World

It's not been a very good cricketing week. Three games on the Scilly Isles (all lost) and then last night I bit off slightly more than I could chew. One last game at a village near Cheltenham with my brother's and nephew's team.

Now, we all have a fair idea how good (or bad) we are at doing things, but generally, I err on the glass-half-full side and imagine myself slightly better than I really am.

And so, as the game last night unfolded I had a stark wake-up call. I am not very good. In fact, I'm pretty terrible. First, you can't put a 15 year old's brain into a 62 year old body (major point, that). Second, don't even try to catch balls when facing a setting sun, without wearing powerful sun-glasses. Third, and the worst of the lot, don't think you are going to take any wickets, when you haven't bowled a ball in anger in over 45 years.

My one and only over was beyond dreadful. I only managed two balls anywhere vaguely near the wicket - the rest ended up trickling to a slightly worried-looking fielder, miles away from the stumps. The most appalling thing was that I actually believed that I was doing everything correctly and that it was probably the state of the ball or that sun again. The mechanics of the bowling action seemed fine and the delivery OK. Perhaps not Jimmy Anderson standard, but certainly Sam Curran. Apparently not.

And the final ignominy - being told I was doing fine by my nephew, who clearly knew otherwise and was trying to be nice.

I was an abject, embarrassing failure... and my subsequent run-out later in the game just underlined the misery of the whole evening.

I then discovered I had forgotten my normal trousers and had to sit through the after game drinks in my soiled cricket trousers. Insult added to injury. The burger was nice though as was the pint - a slither of happiness in an ocean of cricketing depression.

I would like to draw some massive conclusions about marketing and sales being similar to this cricket game, but that would be just too painful and probably very silly. Let's just leave it at that. I am a wiser person now and realise that playing in the Ashes might be for another life - certainly not this one.